"The Most Notorious Floor of '94"

Illinois Institute of Technology's
THIRD FLOOR EAST

3FE: "YOU CAN'T STOP US, YOU CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTAIN US."

Third Floor East: <thyrd flor E-st> n. 1. Third floor, East Hall, McCormick Resident Complex, Illinois Institute of Technology, Chicago, IL, USA. 2. It started as Third Floor East, then TFE, 3 FLE for about 10 seconds, finally 3FE. 3. The symbol (seen above) is similar to the Chinese character for "jade"

3fepack.zip 453kb ZIP file IIT unauthorized "Third Floor East" Microsoft Theme Pack!! Click on the Theme Pack icon above to download

Need to reach a valued 3FE associate? Click the e-nvelope to contact one of the founding fathers!

Unofficial IIT Cafeteria Newsletters
(They made us so mad over four years we decided to do a little tribute...)

Issue 1: Sodekso Poop Chronicle 158kb PPS file	Issue 1: The Daily Swill 113kb PPS file

(This official 3FE song dedicated to the "AugeDog")

Genesis | Members | Buffoonery | Lexicon | Spoore | IIT plants | Scrapbook

Genesis
Birth of the IIT mutation

Most of the members all spent their first few days living on the first floor of North Hall. During the first day of moving in, most of what would become the 3FE clan kept to themselves or hung out with their roommates. Sooner or later, people began to expand outward. Since Auge's roommate, one Michael Allbaugh, ended up not attending IIT, he was left to fend for himself. Initally, he hung out with dudes from NIU during AFROTC introductions, but soon he learned better. While walking from his temporary room to the hall bathroom, he heard some sweet music coming from nearby. Upon coming to the door, he met Darth and Josh Fite (future frat boy). For the next couple of hours, the three talked about their hometowns, chicks, and school. This would be one of many inital meetings that evening that would materialize into the unification of 3FE. Another memorable meeting occurred the next evening in the temporary room of Space Ghost. This conversation between Space, Auge, Pete, and Kentucky lasted for hours. Afterward, they would walk outside to see the upset "Beer God" kicking things around and yelling up a storm. Thus, these gentlemen had to carry the torch on their voyage to their new home the next day.

It was during the 3FE trek that the bonding between clan members began as everyone helped each other in the moving process. Third Floor East was unique compared to the other East Hall floors in that it had been remodeled, equipped with new beds and desks. Also included were desk lamps for 3FE members to keep. Immediately, Adam Romanowicz and James Gursky were spreading 3FE goodwill by introducing themselves to everyone on the floor. It was on this day that many 3FE people went to their "first supper" in the cafeteria. With AFROTC orientation out of the way there was IIT orientation...complete with seminars and fraternity RUSH. With outside pressures to conform to IIT life, 3FE members opted to do their own thing. Initial outside excursions included a field trip to The Alley and The Admiral. These activities sealed the bond between the more hardcore initial 3FE members. From there, more 3FE disciples came forth in the historic 1994-1995 academic year. Many have lived in those hallowed halls since, but the true spirit will always and forever remain with those that were there during those infamous ten months.






The Untouchables
The Original 1994 3FE Members

"Lurch" Aaron B.

Lurch, known as the "godfather" of 3FE, went to ROTC lead-lab drunk and out of uniform. He took pride in software pirating from his 3FE room by using three phone lines (which he acquired from the phone box down the hall) and making his girlfriend pay the monthly $800 phone bill. Also known for his PC--the toaster (named because it ran without a cooling fan). His accomplishments caught the attention of IIT, AFROTC DET 195, the FBI, and Air Force Office of Special Investigations. HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: Cali once said "Aaron, you look like Lurch from the Addams family. Can I call you Lurch?" Lurch said, "That's what they called me in high school! I like it better than Aaron!" Sometimes, Beavis would call him "Leearch". He is also known as the "Godfather of 3FE." Today, Aaron is getting back in touch with fellow 3FE comrades. Why he's not in a maximum security lockup is as yet unknown.




"Space G" Chuck H.

Initiate member who showed his unknown talents from the beginning. From sending an email to Cadet Kristin Fulton that I didn't like her choice for Drill Team commander to making the Fall 94's DET 195 Wing Staff so-called "MEGA-HOT LIST" twice for troublemaking, to egging a frat house... oh the humanity!! HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: From watching "Space Ghost, Coast to Coast". After some time, this unoriginal nickname was shaved down to "Space". It's been time-tested as one of the few nicknames that seems to work as a normal household name!




"Spoore" Arthur P.

Spoore is our Information Technology expert. The all-knowing Linux (or as I call it, Flamux) deity possesses the power to influence high ranking persons at IIT's network control center and computer lab. One of Spoore's minors from IIT is "pennying people in their rooms at night." Is also fluent in throwing IIT computer monitors out the window. HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: Basically, a combination of his first initial and his last name. It was his handle on some computer forums and chatrooms. His username for IIT e-mail was "poorart" so it is assumed that he also went by the name of "Arthur," but no one called him that. Today, Spoore is complaining about Space's crappy work on all this.




"Augedog" James A.

An original member of 3FE, Auge roomed with "Smash." Auge taught the rest of us the importance of physics which was his major. In the hallway, he would crunch himself into the dumbwaiter and tell his to let him down to first floor... and then when Beavis threw the mattress he puked on out the window, Auge was the saving grace of us when he took his "F" in physics and tried to explain to our wing commander Guerbs that, with a pictorial diagram, the puked mattress came out the fourth floor. Thank you, Auge... for something... HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: Augedog was a shortened form of Auge Dogg, which came from Snoop Auge Dogg. The Augedog was Auge's DJ name when he had a radio show at WOUI-FM once a week. Other nicknames incuded "Aug", "Augs", and "Augster".




"Darth" Dan L.

"His friend Moses calls him Vader!" -Dan's mom at his USAF commissioning Dan was Moses's (see below) roommate for the longest time. His favorite movie is Star Wars and whenever we have a computer science project due, he responds by taking a shower and going to Mary's house. HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: This comes from his user name on Shadow BBS as well as the 8x10 portrait of Darth Vader which he kept at his desk.




"Gus" Gus V.

Gus was our only intellectual. More of an advisor than anything else, Gus never participated in any of our tactical missions (i.e. Sip Eg house egging and lounge tree relocation operation). He ran the W.O.P.R.--the name of one of the terminals we took from the East hall basement. When its services expired, the proper retirement ceremony of "tossing it out the window" was rendered it. Today, Gus is.... uhh.... doing something successful with computers, I'm sure...




"Porno Pedro" Pete P.

Many have tried to some up with a nickname for him, but none stuck. Ron Hass called him Pedro all of the time, but no one else really did. "Porno Pedro" lasted about two weeks after he bought a bunch of porn from some store. He was usually second-in-command and ran the Stryker armed drill team for AFROTC DET 195. Today, Pete is.... uhh..... watching a movie somewhere... I think.




"Kentucky" Mark R.

A native of Lebanon, KY. Enough said... Was also called "Kenstubby" after an incident occured where he was running around the hall drunk wearing only a towel. On 3FE, nothing lasts forever, including a towel wrapped around oneself. No further explanation needed. Other nicknames included "Kensucky" and "Ken." Today, Mark is..... doing something useful, I'm sure.




"Cali" Greg A.

Came up with the nicknames for Lurch, Charlie, the Beer God, Smash, K.J., even his own nickname. He was proud to be a native of Sacramento, California and referred to his hometown as "Sac-town", much in the same fashion as Chicagoans would say "Chi-town." Today, Cali is... probably back in Cali.




"Smash" Eric C.

Cali would call him "Smashmaster", possibly because he reminded him of Bam-Bam of the Flintstones. Smashmaster liked this name and would write "Smash" on foggy windows while singing out "I like to smash things!" His roommate, Auge, would call him "Comp."




"J.J." John C.

This is how he introduced himself to everyone. Apparently, he was called "John John" as a little kid. Still learning to speak, his sister called him "J.J." because it was easier to pronounce. Today, John ....probably has his hand in his pants... just like at IIT--all the time.




"T.C." Travis C.

Simply a cool abbreviation of his name. Auge tried to come up with other nicknames for him after he shaved his head. "Auschwitz" lasted about two days and C.C. (Concentration Camp) lasted about two hours. T.C., however, stuck the entire academic year. Today, Travis is.... alive.... or something.




"Greg" Greg D.

Greg is our amateur electricians expert. His resume includes screwing with an IIT lab monitor he took from the basement of East hall (and getting a big shock when he touched one of the capacitors), ripping a cafeteria lamp out and attempting to plug it into the 3FE hallway ceiling, and screwing with the hallway fuse box to shut the lighting down that our Residence Advisor wanted kept on. Greg's excuse for the hallway lights going off: "Everyone was heating their burritos in their illegal microwave at the same time!" Feb 2002: Today, Greg works as a civil engineer for the city of Chicago.


And... "Coop" (aka Jesse Cooper) --3FE Residence Advisor--
This is how he introduced himself to 3FE members. Though his friends called
him "Coop", all of the ladies called him "Jesse" because he was smooth like that.



HONORARY 3FE MEMBERS
Underlined names have homepages!




• K.J. (aka Michael McC.)
  Auge asked Cali once why he kept calling him "K.J.". Cali says, "He looks
  just like Kevin Johnson, the basketball player!". K.J. didn't seem to mind
  being called that and that was what he was called within the confines of 3FE.
  
  
• Moses
  Mozo, as he likes to be called thanks to Space, roomed with Darth for three years!
  Worst web page I've ever seen... now in the real world, he taught "sex-ed"
  to South Korean teenagers in his first Army assignment.
  All participants 18 and older..I think.

  HOW HE GOT HIS NAME: Like Auge, it is a last name and used to separate one James fom another. He did not live on 3FE, but was considered 3FE because he hung out there all of the time. One would think that he lived there. Auge seemed to be the only one who called him "Daffy Duck" after his handle on Shadow BBS.

  
  
  

  Duff
  Avid crotchrocket aficionado and all-around wiseguy. While not legally
  able to claim most of the damage done on 3FE, he takes honors for being
  blamed for shooting a BB gun out the window of a 4FE room onto the grassy
  knoll (a.k.a. food courtyard).
  
  

  Charlie (aka David Olverson)
  The first time Charlie came to 3FE with J.J., he said that he does not really
  like his real name and that all of his friends call him "Charlie". Indeed, he
  had a semi-uncanny resemblance to the actor Charlie Sheen in appearance, voice,
  and mannerisms. Sometimes, he would wear a jacket of his favorite team, the
  Cleveland Indians, and also his Air Force issue glasses and look just like
  "Wild Thing" from the movie Major League.
  
  
  

  "Guerbs" (aka Cadet Mark R. Guerber) Of course, what is light without darkness? The bad guy in this movie was the DET 195 wing commander. This was a shortened form of his last name and it is uncertain if anyone ever actually called him that to his face...no one sober anyway. "Big Daddy" would be the shortened form of his most famous nickname, however. Hey! We loved him!..... really! Like when he would never ever crack a smile and then when all 25 of us left the dinner table one night, each of us said "good evening, sir," as we passed and after about 3FE member #10, he cracked! This picture was taken of him the night he was called to our floor at 3AM. He was wearing only his boxers and a white T-shirt and was joined with the corp's Inspector General, Shannon "Tidy" McGuire in only her nightie! "[BLANK] me up the [BLANK], Big Daddy!" comes to mind...

Those Were The Daaaaaaaays...
The 3FE Wonder Years Episodes

• "Kentucky"--drunk--having his bath towel ripped off by Kelly Belschner while she ran down the hallway. Future name was Kenstubby.
• Kentucky so drunk and without a towel he wrapped himself up in the shower curtain and fell asleep in the shower.
• Moving Kentucky's head into the toilet while he was still asleep--wrapped up in the shower curtain
• Chris Hess wanting to charge Darth extra for the TV remote control after selling him the TV
• Dan's Shadow BBS girlfriend, Snowwhite
• Beavis puking on his mattress and then replacing it with a clean one from someone's First Floor East room. The puked mattress was thrown out the window
• Auge, getting an F in physics, trying to explain with a diagram that the puked mattress was thrown out of the fourth floor
• Jody Bialowis breaking into the closet, taking the broom, and using it to break every hallway light on the floor
• Taping up Adam Romonowicz' door with newspaper and syrofoam peanuts when he had his girlfriend over
• Tipping the large garbage can full of water onto Adam's door
• "Pennying" people into their room
• Pennying Space in his room, cutting off his phone, and electricity, when he had Jenn over
• Dan and Moses catch a mouse in their garbage can, feed it Captain Crunch for a week, and stuff it in the Residence Life Director's mail slot.
• Greg throws a football at a fire alarm box and the alarm goes off in the building
• Duff punches a smoke alarm on the hallway ceiling and the fire alarm goes off
• Taking all the plants from McCormick Lounge and lining them up and down our hallway SEE BELOW!
  
• When moses called and hung up on space and space put his computer on auto-redial so moses took the phone off the hook and when he put the phone back on the hook in the morning it instantly rang
• When moses walked in the room after class and dan was giggling like a school girl at the TV and moses looked at the TV and wonder years was on
• When we used to ask scott what happened to his head and he never told anyone
• When Space called in the love song request for dan and that UC chick to that soft rock station (35kb .MP3)
• When Dan and Moses started cracking up in class cause this asian chick introduced herself as Kritipan Kritipong and said "but you can call me kitty" and proceded to give a report on binuclears
• When dan and moses were eating in Mc D's and dan farted loud on the plastic seat and the whole seat vibrated and the guy behind him looked around and dan got up to laugh in the bathroom leaving moses to sit there with his face on the table red and snickering
• Dans boxers with the large hole in the anus
• That picture of dan throwing up pizza
• When scott and moses bought rebel yell for $4 a bottle and told everyone it was $20 and everyone that drank it got all messed up
• When some chick in candy striped thigh highs asked Scott at Neo "is it hot in here?" and scott replied "nope" and walked away
• Moses Dan and Brevelle going to the palidrome when they were 20 and there were a bunch of 16 yr olds and punch
• When Chris Hess used to cut his toenails on the top bunk and then sweep them onto the floor and then dan would complain to everyone but chris about it
• Hess sitting at dan's computer with his shirt off and his ultra long nipple hair chatting on shadow
• When Daigo tried to kick a frisbee and it hit him in the crotch
• When Dan was hitting on some chick with his zipperdick shirt on and Brevelle and Moses were staring at him and she asked "are those your friends?" pointing and brevelle and moses turned around and tried to look smooth
• When Dan, Moses and Space went to the 80s party at U C and that fat chick walked in and dropped all her cigarettes on the floor
• When Duffy took the knob off the heater in our room because Space kept turning the heat off at night.
• When Dan told his freshman O-week AFROTC flight (Zulu flight) to "put their ZULU faces on!!" and Space called them "Shaka-Zulu flight."
• When Space told Dan in Object-Oriented Design, "he didn't give code in class" and the next day found out that boards and boards of code were given out.
• When we found our Object-Oriented Design teacher at Club 950, wearing shiny leather pants, and having his arms around two chicks.
• When Dan recently told me about an answering machine message one morning that said, "Cadet Moses, get your little fanny out of bed and to PT." and Moses proceeded to put his PT clothes on--all mad.
• Our first awards ceremony with Nate's incredible IBM bass speaker system putting off a weak wiff of 8 bit, one voice, MIDI.
• Space giving Duffy an official demerit in the cadet office
• Dan's drawing of Duffy's lobster saying, "For the price of me, you could've bought a ZIP drive" after-the-fact.
• Calling and hanging on Dan's room--on the air on the Space G 80's at 11.
• Ian calling all of us "butt loving turd balls."
• Dan watching and defending Columbo in front of all of us.
• When Dan would get upset off Space would click his fork on his teeth so Dan would click his teeth on his glass of pop--and then proceed to giggle.
• When we went to the HUB movie and when it started, it was already loud and in focus and Dan was the only one to yell, "FOCUS!!!" and he just looked around and laughed.
• When Jim would come into Space and Duff's and my room in the morning and yell, "HEY SPACE!!!!!" and Duff would pop his head out of the covers and say, "what the hell?"
• When Space played "De La Cratic" for an hour on replay while Duff tried to sleep.
• When Dan told Space not to play with Moses' head while he was sleeping but did anyway and Moses got mad at Dan and Dan laughed.
• When Dan watered his plant "Spank" by squirting it once with the super-soaker (and not even looking when he did it).
• When Space showed Duff and Dan that army picture on the wall of (what looked like) Moses getting buttrammed by some other Army cadet
• Moses doing sit-ups then farting in that chick's face, who was spotting him at PT, and saying, "uh... sorry."
• When Duff gave Space money to buy blank paper for his printer and Space accidentally bought 3-hole punched white paper instead
• Duffy and Space watching the A-Team or Night Court and eating sherbert. ("Well excuse me for living, but the graveyard's full!")
• When Greg pulled the fuse on our hallway lights with a coathanger because the RA locked the fusebox door.
• Dan dropping all those carbonated pop cans out of his car and watching them fizz, spray, and roll around.
• When Moses and Space were in Economics with that Hindu teacher and Moses noticed a couple ceiling tiles start to fall and said, "Look--even the ceiling tiles are bored."
• When Dan and Moses laughed out loud in the auditorium during Physics because I typed "SPLOOGE" on Moses's TI-85 Calculator
• Greg switching Belinda's name with his on the handheld quiz remote control in Physics.
• When Belinda told the class "Mr. Fazzini is the greatest" because he said Belinda got over 100%+ on the test and Greg said "Oh what a bunch of sh*t!!!" really loud for the all class to hear.
• Gus putting in the answers to 7 handheld quiz remote controls on his desk because everyone else skipped.
• Mr. Fazzini, our physics teacher, telling us not to mash the quiz keypad because it locks up the computer and the first thing Space does right when the computer gets turned on is mash his keypad multiple times and Fazzini's computer beeping like heck.
• Duffy doing homework while Space slept every night...... Duff: "I wish I was a CS major so I could be like Space and play games all day!!"
• Everyone going to 7-E because the of the fire alarm except Moses and when it was over we all went to Dan's room and Space threw a pillow at Moses' head and Moses got out of bed and ran after all of us down the hall.
• When Watts wouldn't stop calling Space and Duff's room until I turned the Space Cam on and when Space did, the first thing Watts saw was Duff's hairy bunghole-- up close and personal.
• When Greg dumped his trash out his 2nd Floor East dorm room window and said, "Hey! Look at me! I live in New York!"
• When Dan had to crawl under the stall at U of C to unlock it because Space fell sleep--wasted--on the toilet paper dispenser.
• Tom and his woman and Duff going for a bike ride but Tom's bike never started while Space just watched.
• Greg blaming the hallway lights going off to "everyone heating their burritos in their non-IIT issue microwaves at the same time!"
• Capt Kruk asking Duff: "What is 3FE? Are you part of a gang?"
• Space always calling Dan/Mozo's room from the hallway and leaving the phone on the hook and running away
• When Greg and Scott ripped the hall phone off the wall and remodeled it. Result was an old style phone with the mouth piece attached to the base and only the earpiece attached to the cord.
• When Scott was working on some wiring for the new phone and Greg called it causing Scott's left eye to twitch for 2 days.
• "Lake 3FE" when the bathroom flooded and the water flowed across the hallway into Scott's closet and Scott had to clean it up and it smelled.
• "The Blob" in Lurch's room where after removing a pile of clothes that built up for a month, an old lunch was found at the bottom
• Taking trips up and down the East hall floors on the dumbwaiter
• Grabbing all our books of homework, taking them to the lounge at 10PM, putting them under the couches, grabbing nachos, and watching Beavis & Butthead

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Recent addition by Auge!! 4/17/00

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• The Beer God came to 1st Floor North (3FE's first residence) all torqued off because they stopped selling alcohol at 2:00 at 7-11 (when they still sold alcohol there). After storming in his room, he placed a stolen STOP sign in front of his door.
• Everyone on the floor played Aerosmith's "Dream On" full blast to drown out the rap music coming from the end of the hallway.
• Ron "Delta Tau Delta" Hass became our fearless leader as we walked 15 blocks through Old Chicago trying to find The Alley. We all stopped at an adult bookstore on the way and Pete got some porn videos while Josh "Frat Boy" Fite talked about the military with the psycho clerk.
• Beavis inhaled about 20 cartridges of Nitrous in order to pack a two minute buzz.
• Some 3FE members went to The Admiral because we were 18 and able to go. We told one of the strippers that it was Gursky's birthday so he could get a free lap dance.
• Space Ghost used to type stuff with his Atari computer and the keys would make a beeping sound.
• Space Ghost brought his Atari 2600 from home and everyone ignored the Super NES that was in the lounge for the next two weeks.
• Bethany Travis was surprised that Auge did not know who Gene Rodenberry was.
• J.J. would talk about his sexcapades while having both hands down his pants on a regular basis.
• Charlie was our go-to guy for liquor runs. "Pee-Wee" Herman was our back up because he looked older than 19 and had a fake that was made in Nicaragua.
• Moses' patented "time bomb" farts would clear out Darth's room faster than Hess' "Everybody OUUUTT!" threat.
• One could watch porn anytime at Pete's room while playing Doom against someone else down the hall through the ethernet.
• We had a barbecue in front of the dorms one Sunday afternoon because we did not want to sample the 18 types of rice being served in the cafeteria.
• Compton and Gursky made an AFROTC sign out of Coors Light cans.
• Hess always picked the Chiefs on "Tecmo Bowl" because he used McNair on every play. He also shot from the exact same 3-point spot in "Double Dribble."
• Darth and Auge played "It Was A Good Day" 7 or 8 times back to back and pretended that they never heard the song before each time.
• Darth and Auge tried to play Weezer simultaneously, but Auge kept messing up.
• Darth and Auge were prayer partners at the IIT chapel.
• Auge would run up and down the hall in his uniform after lead lab to the tune of "Sabotage" coming from Darth's room.
• Charlie yelled at Amber, Auge, Crane, and Compton on the bus on the way back from Great America because we kept the whole group waiting for us while we decided to go on "one last ride." In reality, Charlie did that in order not to get any flack from the POCs and we were telling jokes with him 10 minutes later.
• Cali made up rhyme so Amanda Brandau could drink from the Grog bowl at the Dining In, calling her a "third class fool."
• Coop told us the story about "Big Daddy" Guerbs and it was confirmed by at least three upperclassmen.
• Auge couldn't keep his composure while getting help with his CS homework at the computer lab because he couldn't get over the fact that the Beer God was 1) working there, 2) helping him, and 3) has an uncanny resemblance to the other guy from Wham!
• Space Ghost, Darth, and Auge went to UIC to meet some chicks from the Internet. Darth and Auge wanted to leave immediately after meeting the ladies. Space Ghost tried to act interested and later hooked up with the best looking of the three. After leaving the campus, we saw the group Job perform "The Whopper" at the "El" station. Auge gave them 5 bucks because he could relate to the song.
• Auge dedicated one of his pull-ups to the Beer God during an early semester PFT.
• Joel Heath used to give haircuts to 3FE guys for free in the 3FE bathroom.
• Cali, T.C., Space, Auge, Space, and Pete shaved each other's heads for the first official 3FE activity.
• Auge came back from Christmas break with a 'fro, so Crane and Compton gave him a mohawk and Auge paraded around the halls and downtown Chicago afterwards. Of course, he shaved the rest of it in time for Lead Lab.
• Darth told us about when he used to croon "Blue Velvet" to the cool chicks at his high school.
• Darth wanted to go to Canada for Thanksgiving break because he heard that the age of consent there was 14 years old.
• Darth wore a breathalyzer straw around his neck to remind him that he could get caught again for underage drinking.
• Lurch and Mark got into a debate about alcohol while they were both drunk and Auge recorded the whole thing on his tape recorder.
• Marcie played "Stairway To Heaven" on Compton's keyboard while Auge sang the lyrics. Later that evening, Auge made 32 cents after playing guitar in his room and telling people to "have a heart", which he quoted from some dude selling "Streetwise."
• Auge tried to bust out some rhymes with the South Side Crew. Afterwards, he was thinking about pledging Alpha Phi Alpha.
• Darth tried to order Thin Lizzy through BMG and got Tavares instead.
• Darth tried to copy "Cantaloop" on Compton's stereo and all you can hear on the cassette playback was Auge and Darth talking about the song like they do on Beavis and Butt-Head.
• Auge used to take his own toilet paper (Charmin) to the hall bathroom because the dispensers were out of toilet paper sometimes and the school could only afford one-ply.
• Kentucky got his arm caught on the closing "El" train door and was left behind. After the stop, the train dude yelled at all of us and Pete told him that we did not know "that guy who tried to get in the train."
• Auge getting coached by J.J. on what to say when people ask him questions the day after a drinking binge. Always say, "I was drunk!" After eight double-shots of rum, Auge tries to run away and Duntz takes him back to the lounge.
• Auge tape recorded his own drunk self so he could remember what happened to him the night before when he played the tape the next day. As he was dry heaving in the toilet the next morning, Darth walks by and asks, "Are you OK, Auge?". Auge replies, "I'm cool!" and heaves some more.
• Jody Bialowas was going mental and kept saying, "I feel like kicking someone's a*s!" All the while, he was bragging about his steel tip boots and demonstrating it by kicking everyone's door. As he kicked Spoore's door, Spoore opens it and gets whacked in the face. In no time, Spoore puts Jody in a headlock and proceeds to slam him against the wall a few times.
• Beavis knocks down his bunk bed while trying to hop onto to it while very drunk. After a policeman comes up to check out the disturbance, Beavis opens the door and says, "Hey Steve!"
• Daigo broke his glasses and Gypsy, the waitress at Ed Debevic's, made fun of him for reading the menu too close to his face.
• Auge almost had the mightiest primitive despotic Filipino empire on "Civilization" when Alex Kaytana erased all of his hard work to create the lame Hawaiian empire that lasted 200 years.
• 3FE accomplished their first mission of painting the rock while locking in AFROTC cadets who were guarding it. They also painted the rock in front of the HUB. The South Side Crew repainted it right before Christmas break.
• Darth and Auge smelled something weird coming from Germany's door. A crack in the door found Germany's roommate, Matt (R.I.P.), smoking a joint on his bed while listening to the Doors.
• Auge kissed Joanie and Amber made fun of him at breakfast the next day.
• People would get Auge and Greg Pedersen mixed up all of the time.
• East Hall Council decided to use the Fowler Hall basement for their "educational activity."
• Space got his new Pentium Pantera 66 Mhz computer and everyone was awestuck by the speed (except Lurch).
• Cali found a fermented hot dog inside Lurch's "blob" and Auge almost got sucked in it after he tripped over the fake grass carpet in their room.
• Lurch's "toaster" and his BBS that he ran off of it.
• Darth wrote an e-mail to some chick at the University of Kentucky, telling her how much he appreciated looking at her picture in the "Girls of the SEC" issue of Playboy. She never wrote back.
• J.J. and Jason Reed got fake IDs in Indiana and told everyone to "respect their elders."
• Reed bragged about how he could easily hook up with Carolen Botica. Meanwhile, J.J. set up a practical joke where Steve Kelly would ask Carolen out while Reed is sitting about 15 feet away. At dinner, Kelly and Carolen walk out together much to Reed's dismay. J.J.'s quote: "She was interested in you, too, but you waited too long. And most of all, Kelly is Mormon so they won't be sleeping together!"
• Beavis would say, "I'm done, let's go!" and the whole 3FE table would clear within seconds at dinner.
• J.J. almost got into a fight with some South Side gang member at a frat party. They both agreed that they were too drunk and gave each other hugs at the end.
• J.J. and Cali walked into the wrong apartment at Cabrini Green and were lucky to come out alive.
• Some guy called Moses the "blonde, blue-eyed devil" after Moses didn't give him any money.
• Some gay dude was making moves on Cali at the Belmont train stop.
• The group Lorax performed during finals at the cafeteria and was fronted by Santosh, the King of Hard Liquor.
• Auge would keep his frozen burritos cold by sticking them out in the cold Chicago air. He called his "refrigerator" the "Windy City 2000."
• Pete became dependent on Dayquil and Nyquil to function throughout most of the first semester.
• Charlie turned his TV around to face the window so we could watch the TV from the outside during fire alarms.
• We would get chili nachos from "7-E" at 2 in the morning or take a trip to Lawrence's Fisheries for some deep-fried shrimp at 4 in the morning.
• Auge would talk about 3FE activities on his WOUI-FM radio show.
• Pete made his "Black Death" nacho dip for the community service party in the halls.
• We stepped off the wrong floor in one of the downtown office buildings and the lady asks us, "Where are you going?" Auge's reply: "We want to go higher!"
• Colonel K made his famous "Tugboat speech". TOOT-TOOT!!
• Space got wasted to the point where he could not even talk or walk, yet he somehow managed to get back to his room and wake up the next day without a hangover.
• The hall bathroom would flood to the hallway and we had an official "Lake 3FE" for a few days.
• All of 3FE got the whole East Hall to get Auge to run for East Hall Council Secretary and he won. Between Heath, Hess, and Auge, East Hall Council was controlled by 3FE and different "representatives" (from 3FE, of course) were appointed at every RHA meeting to grab some free cookies and punch.
• Germany and his cohorts stole women's panties from the laundry room and they all wore them on their heads.
• The computer terminals downstairs would tweak every two minutes and one had to hit the semicolon on the keyboard lots of times before it came back up.
• Lurch went outside (about 5 times during the Spring 1995 semester).
• Ivory would be giving that service with a smile, "My Man!!"
• We were all put on the "mega-hot" list and became known as the "Notorious 3FE". (Space was on it twice!)
• Auge almost got in trouble with Gregga during PT one morning for calling out some jodies with subtle sexual undertones.
• J.J. wrote "Wrath of McGuire" on all of the trifolds on the cafeteria tables.
• J.J. poured ginseng into people's drinks while they left it unattended during the card game of "As*hole."
• Darth would have that wussy growl as he stepped into the shower every morning before class.
• All the ladies would pass by Coop and say, "Hey Jesse!" and he would reply, "Helloooo Nurse!!"
• Daigo went to his first frat party, wearing a leather jacket to pick up chicks.
• Compton almost got decapitated where the up and down escalators crossed at the Water Tower because he was sticking his neck out looking at some chick.
• Darth saw the perfect rear on some teenage chick at the Ford City Mall. He tried to act all smooth by pretending that he was looking at the stuff in the display window.
• Space had that mint schnapps that tasted like bad mouthwash in his room.
• J.J. and Reed would go to Indiana for their "energy shots" from two nurses.
• Moses had the bed sheets that looked like it had a Canadian maple leaf pattern.
• We all got together at the HUB for the "last supper" of the Fall 1994 semester

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Recent addition by Auge!! 5/30/00

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• Pete made those awesome 2:1 margaritas (2 parts tequila and 1 part mix)
• Auge was doing a public service announcement for breast cancer cure while playing Beastie Boys "Sabrosa" in the background and he started busting up
• Pete and Beavis tried to cover all of their walls with aluminum foil
• Auge had to P so bad after leaving the Fallout comedy club that he took a wizz over the tracks at the "L" stop with everyone watching. One of the ladies in the group asked what he did and he responded a huge grin of relief
• 3FE members would yell two feet away from a passing "L" train
• Colonel K told everyone to lift their right arm, clench their fist, and bring it down while saying "YES!"
• Auge borrowed stuff from 3FE members (Moses' guitar, Kentucky's Beatles CDs, Darth's Neil Young "Unplugged" CD) and not return it for another two months
• Chris Hess tried to get everyone together to go on a paintball trip and no one signed up
• Smash got drunk one evening and did an all out analysis on his feelings. "Right now, I feel the room spinning, but I am not drunk....While I find it difficult to walk because the ground is moving too fast, I am feeling pretty good....I certainly am feeling a buzz right now and the ceiling keeps going around in circles...
• Auge would write the stupid things that people said during East Hall and RHA meetings and put them down on the minutes
• Lurch put some inappropriate comment on Beavis' C++ assignment and sent it before Beavis could look at it. Beavis fell silent for two minutes before finally saying "YES!!!!"
• Darth wore that "Dookie" hat the whole first semester when everyone thought that Green Day was cool
• Kentucky would walk around with a toothbrush in his mouth in order to curb his smoking habit
• 3FE had a bad reputation with the general public, but deep down inside, everyone wanted to be like them (oh wait...that is still true to this day)
• Everything was done "the 3FE way" (ie. pressing the automatic door button to enter/exit a building, going to lunch or dinner in a large group, circulating copies of CS homework around the hall, hitting each others' forearm while saying "RAH!!")

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Recent addition by Mozo!! 6/8/00

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• When Dan and Moses went to 7E to get moses his usual 32 once slurpy before CS class and when moses proceded to dispense the slurpy juice it came out piping hot
• When Dan got that free pop lid off a sprite and he gave it to the achmed at 7E and the Achmed cashier exclaimined "for flee???!!!" and made Dan pay the 4 cent tax
• When Scott with his Metallica look, tattered pants and black shirt would take his laundry in a duffle bag to the wash room with a box of snuggles in his hand
• When everyone called Dan's car a lemon and he defended it getting all mad and one day he ripped a piece off the muffler 'cause it was rusting and dragging on the ground
• WhenGgreg and some guys got back from eating San Jose burritos at 2AM and some guy in the 20 car fenced in lot was douuble parked so Greg took his 1980 hoopty buick and pushed the car so that it was perpendicularly trapped between 2 cars
• When everyone got mad 'cause Moses couldn't drive stick and could never be designated driver so they made him learn on the way to a UofC party and he had to drive the drunkards home
• When Moses stole his bosses piece of crap stick shift car one day and took Duffy to Best Buy and the Chicago traffic was so bad that moses stalled like 40 times
• Space's size 13 nurse shoes
• Scott's duct taped tennis shoes
• When Moses or Dan would agree to go to class and take notes but neither would go
• That lady in the cafeteria that used to sweat all over the food
• That lady in the cafeteria with a load of lipstick and a huge mustache
• Dan shouting "I don't like naked women," and covering his eyes when Moses tried to show him a porno mag
• Those beer bones that everyone bought from the bog and kept for months allowing mold to grow in them so that they could keep getting cheap beer
• That gay, phone headset Space bought and would wear at his computer
• When Space would play "stunts" for 4 hours straight trying to record the perfect crash to show everyone and he got the car to fly 3 miles into the air
• When Space called his Ultima CHEAT book a "strategy guide"
• When Hess unplugged and put away his nintendo for weeks 'cause he got so mad about losing a game of double dribble
• When Lurch spilled a gallon of milk on the bathroom floor and left it there on a friday night when the cleaning ladies don't come till Monday and it smelled so bad people that walked by would gag
• When Scott tried to dye his hair blue and when he was finished his hair was streaked grey and his arms were blue for weeks
• When we made the "1 never fail super rush per half" rule in Joe Montana football and Moses was on the 4th down, down by 3 points, on the 7 yard line in the final seconds of the game against Dan and Moses used the super rush a second time and won the game and dan stood up and did a lot of screaming and yelling "Dammit MOSES! I can't believe you did that!!!!"

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Recent addition by Space!! 6/14/00

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• Space would always score on everybody in NFL Gameday 2000 because he would use the fake field goal to do a hail mary on first down and then would always successfully block everybody's rush through the center because he always used the special teams: field goal block
• When Space tried to sleep one Saturday night and everybody, drunk, came rushing in the room--turning the lights on and screaming--and woke up Space and all Space remembers the next morning is that somebody stole his Goldschlager and Esenwein sprayed something sticky under Space's armpit and Space had to cut some of his armpit hair off
  
  
  

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Recent addition by Duff!! January 2002

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• When Darth, Moses, Duffy, and Greg used to go down to U of C and on the way, they'd get the hoopti up to high speed and hit the bump on lakeshore going like 90 and get some air.
• That time that Darth and Duff went on a double blind date with 2 swedish chicks from hyde park, and we're thinking "swedish bikini team", and it was more like the swedish dogsled team (the dogs that is).
  On the same date, we take the swedish chicks to brew and view and the movie is "beavis and butthead". Darth and Duffy see Beavis and Butthead. How coincidental.

  On the same date, Duffy gets them all kicked out of brew and view for drinking under age.

  Duffy win-nuking space's computer while space is beating someone at Duke Nukem.

  Duffy always losing to Space at Duke Nukem on the level with the huge fall.

  Moses, playing (and losing) to Space at C&C, calls Duffy to have Duffy try to steal Space's IP address, and, therefore, boot Space from the network, thus giving Moses the win (or at least a "non-loss"). In the end it didn't work and Moses lost anyways.

  After our mil-ball, Darth, Moses, Duffy and some other people went to Uncle Julios for dinner and Darth (in his cadet uniform) thought the waitress had a nice butt, so he wrote a note on a napkin saying that he was going off to war tomorrow and left his phone number with a picture of a jet.

  When we'd all go to San Jose for burritos at 4 am and the food and carrots were twice as awesome as they would've been when sober.

  Space always beating everyone at NHL 98 with the Japanese Olympic hockey team.

  Duff calling in to request "Hot for Teacher" for Captain Clancy, then Capt Clancy calling in to request "Summer of 69" on Space's radio show.

  After graduation, sitting on the frat house porch, sipping on the beer, eating a grilled steak, chillin with Lt Duhon, contemplating the past 4 years.

  Duffy playing against Derstler in Playstation football, would always lose. One time, Duff got a string of lucky plays and won and Derstler stormed out all torqued off.

  Joe, the 3FE chemistry professor and his "lab courses".

  When Duff, Greg and Scott pennied in half of 4FE and they couldn't get Edmund Aban's door open, and duff looks out the window and sees a rope dangling out and Aban is talking about rappelling down.

  In the summer, on the roof of the frat house, dropping firecrackers down the chimney, and shooting bottle rockets and roman candles at Darth on his roller blades.

  Duff winning a bunch of lame CDs from Space's Awesome 80s radio show.

  Duff telling some chick at a bar that Space was a radio station DJ, and she's like "Really!!!???!!!" and Space is like "Well, actually I'm a CS student at IIT..." and the chick was like "Oh."

  Space going out to a bar dressed in a flight suit for halloween and the DJ called him Ollie North over the speakers.

  Duff got "drive by egged" on the way to the bar that night. (That sucked.)

  Duff, all hungover after a night at the bi-house party, had to go work at NU for the football game. During the morning briefing at the stadium, duff has to puke and runs out, while Cdt Wozniak is shouting "can't it wait????" and Duff's shouting back "NOOOOOO!!!!". Duff pukes on the floor in the bathroom, having just missed the toilet by a few seconds.

  Duff puking red puke out the window, goes to look back after a few minutes and the squirrels were eating it.

  Duffy getting root access on charlie, reading emails of Space, Donato, Moses, Darth, Belinda, and Capt Clancy, and changing passwords on some of the accounts of people that he didn't like. Eventually, Nate (who worked at CNS at the time) catches Duff and gets mad.

  Duff and Moses always ditching class after dinner at the Bog to play pool and drink beer.

  Moses and Darth would always give Duff crap about having classes on days that they didn't:

  Moses: "Dan, I don't have ANY classes today. Do you?"

  Dan: "No, James, I don't have ANY classes either. Duffy, do you have any classes today?"

  Duffy: "...dammit."

  Everyone would always sit around in Moses' room before going to 950 and drink beer and stare at his zonerings, which took hours to make and provided hours of entertainment. He was very proud of those zonerings.

  Duffy, Moses, Spoore, and Belinda go to 950 one night, and Belinda, trashed, says that she and I can beat Moses and Spoore at pool. She adds that if we lose, she'd dance with her shirt off on the dance floor. Duffy promptly scratches on the 8-ball. (that's called rowing the canoe, guys.)
  

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Recent addition by Mozo!! March 2003

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• In response to Dan and Moses bagging on Duff's old car: Duffy: "My Metro was pretty cool until my sister put those gay stickers on it..."
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

3FE Lexicon
Terms, Quotes, and Definitions of an IIT mutation gone awry! (us)

TERMS AND DEFINITIONS
• 7E: Short for 7-Eleven. Many times, 3FE members would get the munchies around
  2 in the morning and head over to 7E (which was only a 2 minute walk from 3FE)
  to get nachos and burritos.
  
  
• POCs: Upper class level AFROTC cadets. 3FE did not normally associate with them and
  they with us, except in cases where 3FE needed something from them. Certain POCs were cool
  enough to be called "honorary 3FE"
  
  
• Honorary 3FE: Those who did not physically live on Third Floor East, but
  who were cool enough to hang out. Of course, there were some who hung out at 3FE than their own
  place, in which case, they might as wll have been 3FE (see Moses).
  
  
• Chode - A term Duff claimed was from his home that nobody had ever heard before used in place of a-hole or idiot. Recently heard on a radio show to mean "stubby PP."
  
  
• Lelo - From Space's backward home used to refer to nipples
  
  
• Lelo Lunking - Nipple Twisting
  
  
• Kayaking AKA Flying Solo - Used to refer to people NOT doing things with the group (i.e. picking up chicks)
  
  
• Jump in the Canoe - opposite of riding the kayak
  
  
• Wingman - From Swingers used to describe the guy that would talk to the fat chick while his friend hit on her friend
  
  
• Retail Value - used to desribe the worth of anything moses bought compared to how much it should cost
  
  

QUOTES
• "RAH!!!"--Exclamation given while throwing forearm in front of one's body, as if to block a punch while making contact with an oncoming 3FE member's forearm. Also known as the 3FE salute
  
  
• "Rad!!" --Term used in the 80s to describe something good, cool, or awesome. Auge was known to revive this term in late 1994, although it took two months to catch on and another month to disappear again
  
  
• "That rocks!!" --Started by Darth, this term was used when the word "Rad" was not
  
  
• "That rules!!" --Adopted from the television show "Beavis and Butt-Head"
  
  
• "Are you guys gonna eat soon?" --Daigo, around lunch and dinner time when he got hungry. He was also known to say this at 3FE, University of Nevada chapter
  
  
• "Lunch is overrated!" --Mark Canty, after being woken up, all hungover, for lunch.
  
  
• "He is black with white features." --Kentucky, when he was describing
  Michael Jackson. Auge said the same thing in jest months later when he saw the statue of the dude on the bench at IIT and Kentucky started punching him in the arm right away in retaliation.
  
  
• "It's cool like dat!" --Darth, used when he was describing something like Beastie Boys "Paul's Boutique", Weezer's self-titled, and Nirvana's "Unplugged in New York"
  
  
• "NNNnn!!" --Kentucky, after he said something he thought was funny. He told Darth and Auge that his sister did it all of the time and it rubbed off on him. It became "HHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!!!" by the end of the school year.
  
  
• "MM..." --Moses, after he said something he thought was funny.
  
  
• "Yesss!!" --Cali, when something cool happened.
  
  
• "Aw shoot!!" --KJ, who was not one to shout out profanities.
  
  
• "I dunno about all that!" --Cali, whenever someone would say something silly about him.
  
  
• "Hey AAAAAAUGE!! Check this out!!" --Space, whenever he wanted to show something cool to Auge.
  
  
• "EVERYBODY OOOUUUUT!" --Hess, whenever he wanted everyone out of him and Darth's room so he can sleep or whatever.
  
  
• "Meow!" --Spoore, anytime, anyplace
  
  
• "GAAAAAAH!!" --Pete, when he talked about fighting.
  
  
• "That means.. I @!*&ing guarantee to you..that I can drive.. to 22nd and Canal..to Lawrence's Fisheries..and come back with a POUND of !&%@ING SHRIMP!!" --Mark Canty, after Lurch asked him what the word "guaranstinkingtee" meant.
  
  
• "I like to SMASH things!" --Smash, whenever he had been drinking a little and got belligerent. Usually done with an operatic voice.
  
  
• "She's a blowpig!!" --Germany, describing almost every chick he met online from IIT.
  
  
• "She was...300 pounds!!" --Job, singing "The Whopper" in the Red Line subway
  
  
• "If I want a Pearl Jam CD, I'll just turn on the radio!" --Darth, after Hess bought "Vitalogy"
  
  
• "It doesn't matter what you play, but we'll pull the plug if you play Pearl Jam!" --WOUI station managers, telling Auge what he could and could not play.
  
  
• "The Who and the Monkees are the same band!" -Moses, after Auge wanted him to listen to "Tommy"
  
  
• "I used to sing 'Blue Velvet' to pick up chicks!" --Darth, describing how smooth he was in high school.

Spoore's excuses for not doing stuff
How to get yourself out of sticky situations (except for JJ)

"I have to floss my cat." "I've dedicated my life to linguini." "I need to spend more time with my blender." "It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People." "It's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish." "I'm going downtown to try on some gloves." "I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products." "I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise." "I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist." "I have some really hard words to look up." "I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting." "I promised to help a friend fold road maps."

3FE Reforestation Operations
Click on a Pic

In late 97, on a dark and stormy night, individuals--who'll remained classified--snuck down and borrowed all the plants from McCormick lounge for our own personal use. So when you read about leaving the plants alone in your Residence Handbook--thank us for having that rule put in...

"Hey! Where'd all the plants go?!"

One view of Third Floor East

A impressed resident verifies the Operation's success

3FE sCrapbook

Third Floor East (3FE) DET 195 Dining-In: 11 Nov 1994
(Posing in hallowed 3FE lounge)

Back row (left to right):
James Auge-"AugeDog", Greg Anderson-"Cali", Chris Mukukenow-"Beavis", James Gursky-"Gursky",
Jody Bialowas-"Jody", Aaron Brace-"Lurch", Travis Chalmers-"C.C.", "Space Ghost",
John Crane-"J.J.", Greg Duntz-"Duntz"

Front row (left to right):
Dan Lang-"Darth", Eric Compton-"Smash", Pete Pineda-"Spic", Mark Richardson-"Kentucky"
(Not pictured: Adam Romonowicz-"The Cure", Anthony Henson-"Germany", Arthur Poore-"Spoore")

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Third Floor East (3FE) "Final Supper": Fall 1994
(Posing in not-hallowed IIT cafeteria)

As the Fall 94 semester comes to a close, the original members of 3FE eat their "final supper" in the HUB cafeteria.
Gus, the guy in the red Bulls outfit, ran the W.O.P.R. (aka--lab computer taken from East Hall basement)

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3FE members, with five dollar welfare wine, take time to smile

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"What is 3 F E?? Are you part of a gang?"
-Capt Kruk, DET 195 Commandant of Cadets, speaking to Cadet Duffy, Spring 1997

Genesis | Members | Buffoonery | Lexicon | Spoore | IIT plants | Scrapbook

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