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>> MEGA-TOP SECRET <<
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Profile:
DERSTLER, JASON
Cadet, Army ROTC
Just appointed Chairman of the Joint Chiefs by Secretary of Defense
First cadet to be Chairman of Joint Chiefs
Resembles Army general Henry Shelton
Likes hot chicks
Dislikes chicks that aren't hot (see above)
Bases ground tactics from Chutes and Ladders board game
Ambition is to date a White House Intern--preferably hot
Highest honor awarded: "The Motivation Bone" (from Moses ... LAF!!)
Proof Jason just got promoted from Cadet to General:

Jason's comment: "I'm going to beat every Chief of staff at NCAA Football 98 ... except Space"
That's all the dirt we have right now......
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